Al Pal and I finally went on our honeymoon to Italy. What follows are actual notes taken on the trip, in actual note form. Enjoy!
Saturday, May 9th – In Florence
Almost missed the David because there was so much good breakfast to destroy with our mouths.
Made it to the David in the end. It was so much bigger than I was expecting. (Yes, yes, insert your disgusting jokes here, you vile filthsters.)
Lots of other beautiful shit!
Gestured wildly (“look at that crazy thing!”) at an all too life-like bust in the Uffizi and actually HIT AN ITALIAN CHILD IN THE FACE. Apologized one million times, but fairly sure he didn’t understand me, because Italian. This is why they hate us.
Renaissance art is pretty much the best. It varies between angry Jesus, creepy Jesus, scary Jesus, flying Jesus, and drama Jesus. (Post re: creepy art of Florence forthcoming. No room for all that here.)
One carafe house white during lunch. Random bachelorette party was with us in the restaurant eating some food. They kept blowing a whistle and we’ll never know why.
Happened upon the filming of the new Dan Brown bookmoviedisaster. It’s called “We Will Tell You Fake Nonsense Secrets,” starring Tom Hanks and Friends. Watch for it this fall! Lots of boats and people were happening. No Tom Hanks, guess he was off insulting Catholic elsewhere.
Two spritzes, one ENORMOUS beer (or regular sized beer, in an enormous wine glass?)next to Uffizi and Florence historic town hall. Watched ANOTHER wedding, and some birds eat a waffle w/ strawberries because birds love brunch. It’s TRUE.
Was so excited to visit Great Synagogue of Florence and talk to them about their Italian style feelings toward gefilte fish and scotch, but it was closed, because Shabbat. Kind of seems like that’s the one day it should definitely be open? Who was the dumb one here?
We were sad, so we stopped for one more spritz each. That’s when a man tried to sell us a live parakeet. Wtf!
Found world’s oldest pharmacy, bought some real fancy stuff in it!
Two glasses Prosecco, one bottle house red with dinner. Too full of enormous amounts of food for drinks to be truly effective.
Level of booziness: Functional, actually!
Al Pal: Mint, mango (Another weird combo. Why does he do this to himself?)
Dena: Tiramisu, panna cotta (Too rich. Ick.)