Tag Archives: Assholes

You’re The Rocket Man

I’m sitting in the lobby of a fancy hotel in the ‘burbs on break from my department’s semi-annual sales meeting. The sales team flies in from all over the country, while everyone from my office drives six blocks down the … Continue reading

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The Great Email Meltdown of 2013 – Reporting Live!

This morning a high level executive at my company sent an email out to everyone in his division, which totals around 10,000 employees (we are teeny ants in a giant maze of corporate anthills). It was basically a short, informative, feel good message updating and thanking people … Continue reading

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2012: A Haphazard Retrospective

Did These! Took a sexy Caribbean vacation – My skin still resembles the surface of the moon in both color and temperature, but that’s normal. Frolicked provocatively in the ocean – And didn’t even get a yeast infection! Experimented with shiny … Continue reading

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Caffeinated Calamity

You can determine which lines of this comedy showstopper are mine because they’re the ones that sound like there’s an off-camera sigh before each one. Also, breves are magnificent. “I’ll take a medium breve, please.” “A latte?” “A breve.” “A … Continue reading

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Dream a Little Dream

Speaking of bizarre dreams. Late last night I found myself on an urgent mission to the Mall of America for sugar-free fudge, because why not. When I stopped to wait for a goose at the cross walk, it turned and gave the all clear to a … Continue reading

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Ding Dong, the Creep is Gone

I started a new job about six weeks ago and have been submerging myself cautiously, one body part at a time, into my new role. Lots to get used to, including a whole new set of office mates. Mostly, they’re … Continue reading

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Let Them Eat Cake, Lucky Bastards

Last month I started Atkins. I’d had marginal success with it in the past but would always end up on a crazy eyed carb binge, undoing whatever good I’d accomplished. This time I’m in it for the long haul. Some people … Continue reading

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